Lately, it has been brought to my attention that I'm a sucker. A fool. A push-over. For who? Well, my kid, of course. He clearly has me wrapped around his sticky, syrup-covered finger, and why shouldn't I be? I mean, he's cute, he's funny, he's clever, and . . . he's naughty as hell. But, as smart as he is, he's already figured out exactly how to circumvent my "I'm so mad at you I don't even want to look at you right now" mode.
Ridiculous Thing I Do #1:
You know how kids get all crazy and wacky at dinner, and then they try to chug their milk which consequently leads to them doing that half-cough half-choking thing? Well, Gavin does that at every single meal. I'm not even exaggerating. At one point in time, I must have patted his back while he was choke-coughing (even though it is completely NOT helpful to the situation) because now I have to do it every time. Every. Single. Time. If I don't, he tries to pat his own back, which is just so pathetic that I give in and pat it for him. Seriously, it's just a sad sight - his face turning all red, eyes watering, while he tries with little to no coordination to slap his upper back. It's gotten to the point, however, that he often fakes cough-choking as an excuse to get up from his chair at the dinner table. And, I gladly pat his back and send him on his way.
Ridiculous Thing I Do #2:
Gavin has been using forks and spoons for at least three years now. At least. But, I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I find myself feeding him - like a baby. Of course, a lot of the times it's with something that difficult to eat - like spaghetti - but often it's not. Did he suddenly lose mobility in his hand and is thereby unable to physical feed himself? No. I'm just a sucker. Honestly, it's just faster. And a hell of a lot less messier. And even if it's not, I often get puppy dog eyes with a sad plea of, "Can you just feed me like a baby, Momma?" How can I say no to that? Especially when it's shortly after he's said, "Oh, Momma, I missed you so much today," when I pick him up from daycare, or "I just love you, Mommy," when I take him out of his car seat. It's like preemptive manipulation!
Ridiculous Thing I Do #3:
So, remember how I got a puppy? Well, that didn't turn out so well. But, I'll save that story (which I plan to call "Why My Dogs are Assholes") for another time. Long story short, we had to find Charlie a new home. But, I felt bad. I felt like I was all like, "Here's a puppy, son. You like him? You love him? Good, because I'm getting rid of him! Take that, kid!" So, how did I cushion the blow of giving away one of his dogs? I spent $100 on toys. I came back from dropping the puppy off with a Lego set, a DVD, two coloring books, a paint set, and lord knows what else. And, this is not the first time I've done guilt-purchasing. In fact, it's probably the 200th time I've done it. Gavin, you're having a surgery, but I bought you a toy! Gavin, you have to get a cavity filled, but I bought you a toy! Gavin, you had a rough day, but I bought you a toy! It's ridiculous and send the totally wrong message, but he forgot about the dog for awhile...
So, yeah, I'm a pushover. And, I think I'm fine with it. I mean, if anyone is going to be a sucker for my kid, it might as well be me, right? Yes, this is what I tell myself in my sick, sick mind to make it totally justifiable. And, I'm okay with that, too.
For the love of God, entertain me.
9 hours ago