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Thursday, June 30, 2011

Wait, he did WHAT??

First, I have to apologize to my son for sharing this.  In about, oh, five years, he's really going to hate me for this.  But, it's too good not to share.  So, sorry Gavin, but you should've thought twice before you did this.  Plus, laughing at the ridiculous things you did as a child (and for me, as an adult) will make you a better person.  I swear.

It's the last day of school (with students), around 9:30 a.m., and I'm trying to restrain myself from throwing my laptop out of the window because it has, yet again, crashed and given me the blue screen of death.  My students are quietly taking their exams, and all is well.  Suddenly, Mindy, one of the school secretaries, appears outside of my classroom door.  (Okay, she didn't just "appear," she walked to the door and stood outside of it.  "Appears" just sounded cooler)  She has her cell phone in hand and is frantically waving for me to come outside of the classroom and talk to her.  I give my students an evil glare, just try to cheat while I'm in the hallway, and rush to see what the problem is.  I knew it would have to be something serious because we were right in the middle of exams.

Me:  What's up?

Mindy: Peas in the Pod is on the phone (Gavin's daycare), and they need to talk to you.  They're on hold in the office, but you can just use my cell phone and call them.

Image c/o

Now, parents, you know that if you get a call from daycare it's usually because your child is sick or they've done something naughty.  My first thought was that Gavin was "not listening and hitting his friends" again, and I was going to have to get on the phone with him and threaten him with his life.  My second thought was that he was sick, and I'd have to leave right after exams to get him.  Neither of these things constituted an emergency in my eyes.

I tried to call from Mindy's phone, but the line was busy.  So, I hurried down to the teacher's lounge to pick up the call on the phone in there.

Me:  This is Andrea.

Katelynn:  Hi Andrea, it's Katelynn.  Sorry to bother you, but we had a little incident with Gavin.

Me:  Okay . . .

Katelynn:  While we were outside on the playground, he pulled down his pants, and well, . . . he went poop on the playground . . . with all the other kids watching.

Me:  He did what?

Katelynn:  Yeah, he just pulled down his pants and pooped. 

Seriously?  Wait, he did what?  He took a shit on the playground?!?  I have to admit, I was in shock.  I'm sure my mouth was hanging wide open.

Katelynn:  So, we were just wondering what you wanted us to do with him?

Me:  (Still in shock)  Well, um, did he go on his pants or his underwear?  Does he not have any clean clothes?

Katelynn:  No, he's fine; his clothes are fine.  We just weren't sure what you wanted us to do.

Oh, I see.  They were wondering, "What the hell do we do with this kid that just crapped on the playground?  Do we punish him?"  Clearly, this is not an occurance that they're used to dealing with.

Me:  Um.  Is he right there?  Can I talk to him?

Image c/o

So, Katelynn hands the phone to Gavin.

Gavin:  Hi, Mommy.  (All cheerful and cute like he didn't just drop his shorts and crap outside)

Me:  Gavin, did you go poop on the playground?

Gavin:  Yes.

Me:  Why did you poop on the playground?  (Am I really having this conversation right now???)

Gavin:  Because I did.  (Okay, thanks for explaining that.  It makes perfect sense).

Me:  Are you supposed to poop on the playground?  (This seems like a question with a very obvious answer)

Gavin:  No.

Me:  Okay, well, you did something you know you're not supposed to do, so I'm going to have Miss Katelynn put you in timeout.  I'm going to call Daddy and have him talk to you, too.  Daddy's going to tell you that you don't get to go to the tractor store now.  (Yes, the tractor store is a treat for my kid.  What can I say?)

Gavin:  Okay, Mommy.

So, I get off the phone, give Andy a call, and leave him a voice mail explaining the situation and tell him to give daycare a call when he gets a chance.  What the hell.  At this point, I don't really know what to think.  First, I can't get past the fact that this is funny.  No, wait, this is hilarious.  I can just imagine the entire scenario in my head.  Second, is there something wrong with my kid?  Why does he think he can drop a deuce anywhere he wants?  Third, I can't help but feel that I'm stuck in a really bad movie, and I'm the only one who doesn't know that it's a movie.  Did this seriously just happen?  Why does the weirdest shit (no pun intended) always happen to me?

So, we gave Gavin his punishment, had a talk with him, and let it drop.  I mean, I'm not going to punish the kid for days on end for pooping on the playground  . . . so long as it doesn't become a habit.  Looking back, there were signs that maybe something like this was going to happen.  Maybe I shouldn't have let him pee outside when we went camping.  Maybe his dad shouldn't have let him pee in the woods when they went hiking.  Maybe we should have done a better job of explaining when he was so curious as to why the dogs pooped outside.  Either way, lesson learned.  And, we have an awesome story to tell for years to come!

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  1. HAH! I hear you mommy. Your not alone. Dee did the same thing, (in the backyard though, not daycare, she was in front of the neighbors though.) and we live in the north, where "pooping outside" (usualy while camping), is a normal occurance. We used the situation to teach her a bit of camping ettique and made her dig a hole and bury it. All the while explaining why its "ok to go outside" we civilized humans, use toliets when we have them, and when we dont have them, we do not "go" in public, and If we do poop outside, we do not leave it for the world to see. She thought that It was much easier to go in the toilet then bury it, so we never had another problem. I don't think you could try this approach with the daycare, but if it happens at home, (or maybe the next time you are camping) you could try it.

  2. Oh the joys and glammor of motherhood!!! I just had a post on hearing my 6 year old talk to my dad on the phone where he told my dad the you "absolutley, never, ever, pee in the grass!" thankfully it was not my dear who attemtped that, but, that does not mean we have never tried that trick. I think it is so funny how your son was so matter fact about it. My kids can be the same way and you want to say WTF!!! I am now following you and I'm so glad to find you on VoiceBoks!

  3. great story.....he would hate you if he or his friends ever thought it was cool to read your should be okay......I hope he's playground broken before he starts kindergarten!!!

  4. Your stories are so funny; I love to read them. But yet, I see a kind of resemblance of this. However, I have a girl. I love your story 'Liar Liar' and this one is just as funny. Can't wait to read some more.
    have a Great awesOme Day!!!

  5. LMAO! oh shit! My son who was 3 at the time would always pee in the library EVERY time we went! I didn't understand it, he would go before we went too and happened every time...had to stop going. lol

    thanks for stopping by and joining the hop!
    stalking your ass now!

  6. Parenting is not for the faint of heart. My kids did a lot to stop me in my tracks, but this one deserves a gold star. No, I guess you don't reward on the playground do you? Love the post!

  7. This is priceless!! I, luckily, never had this occur with any of my 6 kids lol!

    What are you gonna do? Laugh and laugh (and hope he doesn't make a habit of it)!


    P.S. Visiting from voiceBoks!

  8. Hahaha!! Love this story! Did he ever say why he did it?

    Stopping by from lovelinks.

  9. I don't think I've ever heard of this happening before. Very funny story, but you're right...he will eventually hate you for writing this!

  10. Maybe he just can't hold it in long enough to go to the toilet. Great crappin' story - I'm sure he'll love reading this when he's older.

  11. Ha! It is hilarious. If you raise him with your sense of humor he won't hate you. Well, not for long anyway ; )

  12. I'm sitting here laughing at this...he's going to HATE you when he grows up, but what a GREAT story! (And be sure to share it with the grandkids in the future, too! LOL)

  13. Great story and you're not alone - this happened to a friend of mine, except it was the lawn of the library and when asked why he said "Well doggies do it here mommy!"

  14. Oh my goodness! That is funny. Great story.

  15. Oh my! That is absolutely hilarious! I would have been so embarassed though. LOL. I'm just, speechless!

  16. What a funny post! I'm sorry I'm just getting around to reading it. I see now why you won this week's lovelinks. Again! Congatulations!

  17. Oh my goodness! This is hilarious! I just started following and reading through your posts. You should put all of this stuff into a book!! I have a 4 month old, and I see we have a lot of adventures to look forward to.Haha!


  18. that is one of those "high school graduation" or "wedding" stories :)


    visiting from lovelinks

  19. It's pretty funny all right... but not clear to me why they didn't "know what to do"... seems obvious he should have been made to help clean it up!
    Oh well, maybe they were too freaked.
    Good luck!
    Jeanne Kasten (found you through lovelinks)

  20. Definitely one for the baby books (or shrink's couch) ... whichever you prefer! ;) Loved this post!

    Visiting from lovelinks.

  21. This is freakin' gold, HAHAHA. I'm sure my initial reaction would have been the exact same as yours. What the heck do you say to that?

  22. Hahaha! I'm studying to be a teacher and plan to have kids one day... I think you might just have added one of those really weird worries to the list. Very funny though. I'm not sure I'd be able to hold in the laughter while on the phone with them.

    Poor kid. If you keep telling this story, he'll be known for pooping all his life.

  23. wow. this just happened to me with my 4 year old at the preschool playground. I don't think its funny at all. Maybe im too high strung. Gonna be a while for me to let this one go. I don't know what to do. I'm just glad i'm not the only one.

  24. Thank you for sharing!! My four year old just did something similar, he pooped at the top of the play structure in the wheel house! I was mortified!!

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