Lately, I've had this reoccurring thought: I wish I was three so I could know everything. Clearly, three is the magical age where you know all there is to know about life and the world. How do I know this? Gavin told me.
As always, he's full of questions. Why is it dark? Why is that the moon? Why is the sun going down? Why is it December? Why isn't it snowing? These days, however, it seems he only asks me questions so he can argue with my answer.
Gavin: Mommy, who ripped open all of the presents under the tree?
Gavin: No, I think it was Danion.
Me: No, it was Arnie.
Gavin: No, I think Danion did that.
Me: It was Arnie. Stop arguing with me.
Me: Gavin, don't forget that tomorrow is show-and-tell.
Gavin: No, show-and-tell was today.
Me: No, today is Wednesday. Tomorrow is Thursday. Thursday is show-and-tell.
Gavin: Today was show-and-tell. Today is Friday, Momma.
Me: Today is Wednesday. I'd be in a much better mood if it was Friday. Show-and-tell is tomorrow. Stop arguing with me.
Gavin: Where do we live?
Me: In our house.
Gavin: No, we live on Earth.
Me: Never mind.
Gavin: Momma, I want to go to your work.
Me: You've been to my work.
Gavin: No, you never took me.
Me: Yes, I did. It was a little while ago, but I took you.
Gavin: No! You never took me!
Me: Yes, I did. Stop arguing with me.
Gavin: I want to put on shorts.
Me: You can't wear shorts. It's freezing.
Gavin: It's not freezing.
Me: Yes, it is. It's like 25 degrees outside.
Gavin: It's not cold, Mommy.
Me: You're nuts, and you're not wearing shorts. Stop arguing with me.
Obviously, he knows more than I do. I'm clearly confused about the days of the week. I can't remember when show-and-tell is. I fabricated a story about letting him come to my work. I cannot tell the difference between hot and cold. And, I seem to have magically invented the fact that The Beagle loves to tear up wrapping paper more than he loves to lick my furniture incessantly.
It's a good thing I have Gavin to straighten me out. At this point, I'm thinking why even bother sending him to school. He already knows all there is to know. Maybe he can just get a job instead.
It’s (not) Flag Day.
1 day ago