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Sunday, June 24, 2012

That is such a great idea that I think I'll pass on it.

I've created a monster.  In an effort to find fun and different things to do with Gavin, I've spent a lot of time searching for great ideas.  When I would come across one, I would say to him, "Hey, Gavin.  I have a great idea . . ." and then tell him what exciting thing we were going to try that day.  Well, it didn't take long for him to catch on.  Now, he has "great ideas" every day that he shares with me.  I think, to this point, I've passed on 97.6% of them.

His most recent "great ideas" include:

- getting a pet snake

- building a pirate ship and taking it down to Florida

- baking chicken cupcakes and putting ketchup and maple syrup on top of them

- buying a real rocket ship and flying it into outer space

- have a luau

Now, I'd like to expand on the last one because it falls in the 2.4% of ideas that I haven't passed on (I just freaked you out with the math right there, huh?).  So, somewhere, Gavin got the idea that he wanted to have a luau.  And, me?  I was like, "Yes!  That's a great idea!  Let's have a luau!"

So, we had a luau.  It was a complete and utter failure.

First, the beach ball that we bought at Family Dollar had a hole in it.  (Shocking, I know.)

Second, we couldn't find any leis.  And, honestly, what is a luau without leis?

Third, we made fruit kabobs that looked amazing.  And 0.12 seconds later, Gavin dropped them all on the floor.

And then I had this idea that we would get a coconut. . .

So, first let's discuss false advertising.  This coconut had a giant label that said it was an "EZ OPEN" coconut.  That should have been my first clue.

Upon arriving home with said coconut, I actually read the instructions.

With an ice pick, poke a hole through the eye into the center of the coconut and drain the liquid.

Oh yes, let me go grab my ice pick.  It's right next to the duct tape and rope I keep in my serial killer kit in the trunk of my car.

Coconuts have eyes?  Where the hell are they?

Well, since I didn't have an ice pick, I used a nail.  But it wasn't long enough so only three drops of liquid came out.  So, I thought, "Hey!  I'll use this wooden skewer!"  This was a fabulous idea . . . until I realized that getting the skewer out was a lot more difficult than getting it in.  So, there I was with a coconut that had a wooden skewer sticking out of it - even after employing three pairs of pliers. 

At that point, I thought, "How much liquid can there really be?  I'll just open the damn coconut without draining it first."



So, following the instructions, I gently tapped on the score marks with a hammer - anxiously waiting for the coconut to magically open.  Twenty minutes later, I'm bashing the coconut with the hammer and breaking out in a small sweat.

Finally, the coconut bursts open, and I realized there is a remarkable amount of liquid inside of a coconut, and consequently on my floor and my counter, and my cupboards.

Sadly, the coconut itself didn't actually taste any good.

We did, however, make a surfboard out of cardboard and have a great Hawaiian-themed dance party.

So, damn you Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for giving Gavin the amazing idea to have a luau.  Damn you.








Tuesday, June 12, 2012

New Blog

In an effort to actually remember the infancy of my second child, Kaleb, I've started a new blog.  While I will still post funny and memorable things on this blog, my other blog is more of my way to remember all of the things we tend to forget when our children grow up so quickly.  If you're interested, check it out:

I Will Sleep Again One Day

I'm starting to wonder if I'm a tad bit overprotective . . .

Last night, I took Gavin and Kaleb on our first adventure together.  By adventure, I mean that I drove them to the ice cream stand, went for a short walk, and let Gavin play at the park for about 45 minutes while Kaleb snoozed in the stroller.  The ice cream part was uneventful - other than the fact that Gavin ordered what he wanted (Superman ice cream on a waffle cone) and then promptly ate more than half of my ice cream (chocolate and vanilla soft serve).

After we finished our treats, we strolled over to the park.  When we got there, we encountered a younger couple with their two kids - one boy who was around Gavin's age and another boy who was about 8 months old.  I can only think of two words to adequately describe the older boy, whose name was Sage: Spider. Monkey.

This kid was everywhere.  He was barefoot and dirty (as little boys should be), legs covered in scraps and bruises, skinny and sun-tanned, and climbing all over everything.  He was jumping off of the swing mid-air while his dad was pushing him, he was recklessly climbing all kinds of things that he should be, and I almost had half-a-dozen heart attacks just watching him.  I was certain that an ambulance would have to be called at some point, but luckily that didn't happen. 

In contrast, Gavin (who does have his fair share of scrapes and bruises) was overly concerned about getting sand in his shoes (until I threatened to chop off his feet).  When Spider Monkey Boy came racing over and pushed Gavin out of the way so he could get to the top of the slide first, Gavin simply walked away.  The two, however, did become fast friends and chased each other around for quite some time. 

Gavin and Spider Monkey Boy
In the meantime, the 8-month-old (Nolan) was crawling around in the sand while his parents, who were snuggled up on the grass, watched from afar.  Now, by sand, I mean dirt.  Mixed with a little gravel.  Every time he picked some up, I cringed, waiting for him to put the dirt in his mouth.  He crawled wherever he pleased, and on multiple occasions parked his diapered butt at the bottom of the slide while other kids came flying down unaware that he was there.

As I watched all of this go on, I probably said, "Gavin, be careful," more than a dozen times.  Be careful running in your sandals, you might trip.  Be careful because there's a baby at the bottom of the slide.  Be careful hanging upside down on that piece of playground equipment that I'm certain has a name I just don't know what it is.  Be careful standing on top of that very tall slide.  And on, and on, and on.

So, maybe I need to chill out a little.  But, I'll be damned if I would let my baby crawl around in dirt.