I've created a monster. In an effort to find fun and different things to do with Gavin, I've spent a lot of time searching for great ideas. When I would come across one, I would say to him, "Hey, Gavin. I have a great idea . . ." and then tell him what exciting thing we were going to try that day. Well, it didn't take long for him to catch on. Now, he has "great ideas" every day that he shares with me. I think, to this point, I've passed on 97.6% of them.
His most recent "great ideas" include:
- getting a pet snake
- building a pirate ship and taking it down to Florida
- baking chicken cupcakes and putting ketchup and maple syrup on top of them
- buying a real rocket ship and flying it into outer space
- have a luau
Now, I'd like to expand on the last one because it falls in the 2.4% of ideas that I haven't passed on (I just freaked you out with the math right there, huh?). So, somewhere, Gavin got the idea that he wanted to have a luau. And, me? I was like, "Yes! That's a great idea! Let's have a luau!"
So, we had a luau. It was a complete and utter failure.
First, the beach ball that we bought at Family Dollar had a hole in it. (Shocking, I know.)
Second, we couldn't find any leis. And, honestly, what is a luau without leis?
Third, we made fruit kabobs that looked amazing. And 0.12 seconds later, Gavin dropped them all on the floor.
And then I had this idea that we would get a coconut. . .
So, first let's discuss false advertising. This coconut had a giant label that said it was an "EZ OPEN" coconut. That should have been my first clue.
Upon arriving home with said coconut, I actually read the instructions.
With an ice pick, poke a hole through the eye into the center of the coconut and drain the liquid.
Oh yes, let me go grab my ice pick. It's right next to the duct tape and rope I keep in my serial killer kit in the trunk of my car.
Coconuts have eyes? Where the hell are they?
Well, since I didn't have an ice pick, I used a nail. But it wasn't long enough so only three drops of liquid came out. So, I thought, "Hey! I'll use this wooden skewer!" This was a fabulous idea . . . until I realized that getting the skewer out was a lot more difficult than getting it in. So, there I was with a coconut that had a wooden skewer sticking out of it - even after employing three pairs of pliers.
At that point, I thought, "How much liquid can there really be? I'll just open the damn coconut without draining it first."
So, following the instructions, I gently tapped on the score marks with a hammer - anxiously waiting for the coconut to magically open. Twenty minutes later, I'm bashing the coconut with the hammer and breaking out in a small sweat.
Finally, the coconut bursts open, and I realized there is a remarkable amount of liquid inside of a coconut, and consequently on my floor and my counter, and my cupboards.
Sadly, the coconut itself didn't actually taste any good.
We did, however, make a surfboard out of cardboard and have a great Hawaiian-themed dance party.
So, damn you Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for giving Gavin the amazing idea to have a luau. Damn you.
Get thee to an independent bookstore.
1 hour ago