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Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Why We Don't Eat Our Young

As humans, there is a reason we don't eat our young.  It's not because our brains are so much more advanced than other mammals, it's not because kids don't taste very good (I am not speaking from experience.  Seriously.), and it's not because we mostly have some kind of moral compass that prevents us from devouring our offspring.  The reason we don't eat our young is simple: they look so damn cute when they sleep.  Yep, it's the truth.  Sleep is not only necessary for proper growth, it's necessary for survival. And by survival I mean giving your parents a break so they don't kill you, and reminding them of how incredibly adorable you are so that they'll allow to live long enough to see your next birthday.

Post-tantrum nap.  Awww.
I love my kid, don't get me wrong, but there are times when I am counting down the seconds until it is his bedtime.  These are usually the days when I'm convinced he woke up with the mission to single-handedly send me over the edge into insanity.  You know, the days when he goes from room to room making catastrophic messes in world-record time; the days when he decides Mommy's comforter would look really pretty if it had some "artwork" on it (preferably in black Sharpie ink); the days when he somehow manages to use a toy hammer to whack my kitchen table to the point of near-destruction (Really, toy makers, they don't need to be that sturdy).  Those are the days when I'm counting.

Sleeping in style.

Oh, there have been days where I thought about putting him in a perma-timeout, like the time (while potty training) he decided to take a dump in our deck box rather than in the toilet.  Or, there was the time he threw a 45-minute, knock-down, drag-out tantrum in Meijer (at 7 am, mind you).  But, on those days, no timeout is going to cut it.  I need him to sleep - for a very long time.  I need a good 8 - 10 hours to recharge my emotional battery and just enjoy some peace and quiet (minus the dog snoring.  Seriously, dog for sale!) and not have to worry about what he's getting into that he's not supposed to or what he's destroying.  It's not just the sleeping I need him to do, though.  I need that glimpse of my sweet, innocent, precious little boy that always appears when he's far off in dreamland to remind me that my child is not the devil's spawn (despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary).

Drooling on the iPad

Let's face it, kids are adorable when they sleep.  They're all peaceful and innocent . . . and silent and still and not breaking things and not clinging to my leg and not crying because they want a Poptart that they always get themselves but they want you to get it for them this time because they just want you to.  They look like little angels (contrary to their behavior from earlier in the day), and they almost make you forget how awful they were earlier.  Almost.  Luckily, it's just enough to prevent you from going primal on them and devouring them like an angry lion tearing the flesh from a freshly killed gazelle (A little too graphic, huh?  Sorry.).  So, there is my theory on why we don't eat our young.  I'm pretty sure this will be verified in some highly-respected science journal in no time at all.

http://freefringes.com/2011/06/28/lovelinks-12-open/

15 comments:

  1. We all have our theories. Mine is along the lines of: by the time they are asleep, I'm too tired to eat them.

    Thanks for linking up at lovelinks!

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  2. LOl, great post. Your son looks so cute.
    I am Bushra Syed from bloggy mom
    www.allaboutbabyzee.blogspot.com
    www.syedstore.blogspot.com
    Let's follow each other and stay connected forever.

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  3. I did eat a couple of them, and I'll tell you what! They were tasty!

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  4. Oh very funny. I'm here from love links. I considered cat casserole last week when my gorgeous puss cat cost $642 at the vet with a tooth problem. Think the same rule applies - she's just gorgeous when asleep! Good to meet you and happy to join your following crew.

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  5. Your son and my daughter would get along fabulously! I love her to death, but she's constantly on the go, chattering, messing, etc. She wears me out just by talking. And now she's got this five-year-old smart mouth thing going, and I want to pop her little mouth at least once a day. Sometimes by the time she's in bed I just want to collapse with a bottle of wine. But then I go up to check on her before I go to bed, and she's so damned sweet it's all worth it!

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  6. Now that is the scientific breakthrough of the...minute LOL. It would seem plausible. I, too, count down the ticks until nap or bed time (and have been known to push the clocks forward shhh).

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  7. When my 4 YO asks why he has to take a nap I tell him in all honesty, "Because Mommy needs some time alone so she can be a good mommy." I could expand on this and say, "Because I've been active listening all morning and I'm about to go nuclear on your butt if you don't stop fighting with your brother for 5 minutes, because I want to check email and somebody I don't know at all has probably said something funny on twitter that I'm missing and I'm hungry and would like to go to the bathroom without anybody else in the room."

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  8. I agree with this 1000%!!!

    There have been countless times where I have checked on my guy after bed time and thought "It's a good thing you are this cute while you sleep. Otherwise I might've sold you to the gypsies."

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  9. If it wasn't for nap and bedtime, many of my children would not have survived past the age of 2.

    Awesome post! Made my day =)

    Christina

    P.S. Visiting from voiceBoks!

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  10. Your post is too funny! My two and half year old has been driving me crazy all day, except when he was napping :) New follower from bloggy moms, have a great evening! You can find me at
    http://wvfrugal-wvsaver.blogspot.com/

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  11. Love the title and the post. You are so right. Usually by the time I put mine down for a nap I was too tired to even think about eating anything...let alone them. Thanks for the laugh!

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  12. That is so true - they look adorable when they sleep and it does give you that much needed break. Visiting from lovelinks!

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  13. When my 3 kids were young, my brother in law and his wife visited with their kids, nearly the same ages. My brother in law noticed that at 9 o'clock I said, "ok kids, bedtime." Kisses were doled out and the kids were never seen again. He was astounded! He asked me how I got them to go to bed and stay there. I simply said "they know it's for their own safety."

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  14. My daughter is now a sarcastic,eye-rolling, I-know-more-than-you 10-year old. But when she's sleeping, she's my baby. Sweet post.

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  15. True! Until they are 16-17 and you find them already fast alseep, on the couch you are heading to, for your own nap. Then it doesn't work anymore : )

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