Like most four-year-old kids, my kids talks. And he talks, and talks, and talks. From the moment he gets up, until the time he goes to sleep at night. He talks when he's eating. He talks when he's in the bath. He talks when we're in the car. He even talks when he's playing and watching television. I wouldn't be surprised if he talks in his sleep. He doesn't talk to himself or his toys - he talks to me. Honestly, I can't complain too much because I would rather he talked to me all the time than not at all.
Lately, however, we can't just talk. No, instead, we have to play games. Two games in particular - "I Spy" and a rhyming game. At least five times a day, he asks to play "I Spy." The problem is that he's not very good at it. For instance, he looks right at the object you're supposed to be guessing.
"I spy with my little eye something . . . RED!" Um, how about the stop sign that you're staring at?
Or, the other weekend, he wanted to play in the car during a thunderstorm.
"I spy with my little eye . . ." You see something? Because I can't see shit right now. And I should probably really focus on driving, dude.
He also asks to play when we go for a walk in the woods.
"I spy with my little eye . . . something . . . GREEN!" Um, we're in the woods. Everything is either brown or green. Trees? Green. Bushes? Green. Grass? Green. River? Brown. Rocks? Brown. Benches? Brown. There seriously are no other colors to choose from.
It would be so bad if he didn't want to play it all the time. And, I mean all the freaking time.
The only thing that can detour him from wanting to play "I Spy" is playing this rhyming "game" he made up. Basically, he says two words and I say yes if they rhyme and no if they don't. It's not hard, but it's . . . interesting.
"How about boat and goat?" Yes, those rhyme.
"How about house and house?" Well, they're the same word.
"How about moose and groose?" Well, if they were both real words then they would rhyme.
"How about sucka and fucka?" Um . . . yes, those rhyme, but let's not say them anymore.
"How about soap and rope?" Yep. "How about rope and soap?" Those are exactly the same words you said two seconds ago; you just reversed the order.
Then . . . the other day, as we were waiting for the ultrasound tech to come get us out of the waiting room FULL of people:
"What rhymes with dick? How about Rick and dick? How about sick and dick?" Ok, let's move on.
"What about pick and dick?" Okay, seriously, stop saying that. Pick a new word.
No idea where he heard it, or if he just coincidentally said it thinking he was making up the word, but everyone was staring at me.
And, lucky for me, he stood next to me the entire time I was having my ultrasound, talking right in my ear, asking me if pairs of words rhymed. The. Entire. Time.
So, it was a nice little surprise when he took a nap once we got home. Because for an hour, it was absolutely quiet . . . except for the sounds of him kicking the wall as he slept.
Get thee to an independent bookstore.
1 hour ago