Reason #1: He refuses to lay on the floor. You know, like a dog.
|What? The floor? Screw you!|
Reason #2: He licks incessantly.
|Nothing like licking my paws for 45 minutes.|
Reason #3: He is afraid of non-carpeted flooring.
|I'm just gonna stand here whining for 15 minutes until I decide to hurl my body across the flooring, which will make me slide and hopefully slam into the wall, thereby decreasing my fear of the floor. Or not.|
Just to add to the above list: He's afraid of his water bowl. He won't eat if anyone is in the same room. He's afraid to walk from the kitchen into the living (for reasons I cannot begin to fathom). He acts like I'm torturing him if I make him go outside for more than 35 seconds (What do you think I am? A dog? Seriously, lady.). In fact, he hates outside so much that he learned how to open the screen door (so now he can let himself and a million flies in whenever he wants!). Now, I could write 15 pages on all the crazy things my dog does, but I have to get to the real point here. His insanity is increasing quickly. Lately, Arnie has been spending the majority of his time hiding out under my bed. I admit, I just chalked it up to him needing his Puppy Prozac increased. Today, I discovered the real reason:
|9:00 am: Minding my own business. |
|9:01 am: But not for long. |
|9:03 am: Whew! Safe under the bed. |
|9:07 am: I hear something. I should check it out. |
|9:08 am: The coast looks clear. |
|9:09 am: What's this? Cinnamon Toast Crunch? For me? Hooray! |
|9:09 am: Meanwhile . . . |
|9:10 am: Oh shit! There's a box flying at my head! |
|9:11 am: Back to safety. For now . . .|
Now, don't worry. Once I finished documenting all of this with my camera for the amusement of others, I quickly put an end to the lure-the-dog-out-with-food-and-then-scare-the-shit-out-of-him game. And, I gave Arnie an extra doggy Valium just for good measure!