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Tuesday, July 26, 2011

My Dog is Nuts. It's Only Getting Worse.

When I say my dog's insane, people think I'm being mean or over-exaggerating.  "But he's so cute, and you love him," they say.  Well, he is cute, and I do love him, but he's freaking nuts.  And really, what's not to love about a dog that lays under your bed for 2 hours, starting at 5 am, scratching and licking constantly?  Well, today, I discovered that his craziness is only getting worse.  But, don't you worry, I decided to document all of this with photos.  It's about to get all National Geographic up in here.

Reason #1:  He refuses to lay on the floor.  You know, like a dog.

What?  The floor?  Screw you!

Reason #2:  He licks incessantly.

Nothing like licking my paws for 45 minutes.

Oh, and of course, the vet said it was allergies then proceed to load Arnie up on steroids which only made him crazier (but at least he increased his batting average).

Reason #3:  He is afraid of non-carpeted flooring.

I'm just gonna stand here whining for 15 minutes until I decide to hurl my body across the flooring, which will make me slide and hopefully slam into the wall, thereby decreasing my fear of the floor.  Or not.

Just to add to the above list: He's afraid of his water bowl.  He won't eat if anyone is in the same room.  He's afraid to walk from the kitchen into the living (for reasons I cannot begin to fathom).  He acts like I'm torturing him if I make him go outside for more than 35 seconds (What do you think I am?  A dog?  Seriously, lady.).  In fact, he hates outside so much that he learned how to open the screen door (so now he can let himself and a million flies in whenever he wants!).  Now, I could write 15 pages on all the crazy things my dog does, but I have to get to the real point here.  His insanity is increasing quickly.  Lately, Arnie has been spending the majority of his time hiding out under my bed. I admit, I just chalked it up to him needing his Puppy Prozac increased. Today, I discovered the real reason:

9:00 am: Minding my own business.

9:01 am: But not for long.

9:03 am: Whew!  Safe under the bed.

9:07 am: I hear something.  I should check it out.

9:08 am: The coast looks clear.

9:09 am: What's this?  Cinnamon Toast Crunch?  For me?  Hooray!

9:09 am: Meanwhile . . . 

9:10 am: Oh shit!  There's a box flying at my head!

9:11 am:  Back to safety.  For now . . .

Now, don't worry.  Once I finished documenting all of this with my camera for the amusement of others, I quickly put an end to the lure-the-dog-out-with-food-and-then-scare-the-shit-out-of-him game.  And, I gave Arnie an extra doggy Valium just for good measure!


  1. All dogs have their quirks. I worked in a dog kennel for two years & I have a nut of my own, so I've just about seen it all! But this is pretty funny!

  2. This really is a funny post, but so true! I have experienced most of this from our dog and son. Sad thing is, when my son is around I feel sad for the dog.....well, until my son feeds him all the yummy treats off his plate...smh.

  3. I'm not sure if I should be sympathetic to your poor dog or you that you had to watch this. So hopefully his anxiety will subside after that Valium. I'm sure you can't wait for kids to go back to school :)
    Great post and thanks for sharing,
    Español para Niños (Spanish for Kids)

  4. haha I know a dog very much like that! I'm a few follower, found you on the Monday blog hop. If you would like to check out my blog it's I'm just getting it started but it should be pretty sweet! :)

  5. I'm not sure if you're kidding about the meds but my nutzo cat has been on Prozac for ~1 year and it's made ALL the difference. She even sometimes, when the air pressure is just right, will let my 2 YO touch her. Ah...good times.

  6. Haha...cute dog you have there. I think he thinks he's human.

  7. This is hysterical. Arnie cracks me up. Talk about figuring out how to get his milk bones milked! Love the photos and your funny take on life. You always bring great writing and a laugh. What can be better than that!

  8. I'm a new follower Monday Mingle!

  9. Awww! He is so cute! I love the pic of him poking his head around the corner. And I was actually relieved to learn is "issues" were nothing serious and un-fixable!

  10. LOL, I think is a DIVA dog.

    Well, with the exception of the last part where he is being hunted by your kid?

  11. Hahaha!! Awesome. Love the photos. How do you even get anything done at home with all these interesting distractions?

  12. poor dog! our cats are constantly tormented by my kids. one of them loves the rough play (he's insane) but the other one always meows so pitifully whenever a kid approaches.

    Good luck getting him out form under the bed! :)

    visitng from lovelinks

  13. With all of that, he is so adorable! Great pics!