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Monday, September 5, 2011

Save the Drama for Your Momma

Toddlers like love to whine.  It has to be the most popular toddler pastime ever.  Some days, I swear that my son looks at me and a switch somewhere is his rapidly-growing brain flips on and the whining just starts flowing out like water after a dam breaks.  It's almost as if he's saved up all of his whining all day long, every last little bit of it, and lets it all out just for me.  Thanks, kid.  Really.  On those days, it feels like every little thing in the world is a trigger for total and complete meltdowns - a tiny stubbing of the toe, favorite t-shirt is dirty, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse isn't on television - really, anything can set him off.

In addition to his superior whining-and-driving-your-momma-completey-crazy skills, he's also developed a knack for drama.  And by drama, I mean making things a way bigger deal than they really are in order to get attention (kinda like some of your Facebook friends, huh?).  Fortunately, he doesn't have a Facebook account (yet), and the shit he says when he's in full-on drama mode is priceless.

He's been perfecting this sad look for awhile.

Example #1:  On what I fondly refer to as a Growing Day (the days where Gavin eats a TON and is incredibly tired all day), Gavin, our friend, YaYa, and I were going to have a bonfire in the backyard, but we needed a few items to make s'mores.  So, I went in my bedroom to change my clothes so we could head to the store while YaYa helped Gavin put on his shoes.  He was tired, and cranky, and the following conversation ensued:



Gavin:  (crying) I wanna go to the store.
YaYa:  Well, come here, and I will help you put your shoes on.
Gavin:  I just want my mommy.
YaYa:  She's right down the hall in her room.
Gavin:  No, she's not.  She's gone.  I miss my mommy.
YaYa:  She's just in her room putting her shoes on.
Gavin:  No, she isn't.  I looked and looked for her, and I can't find her anywhere.

I have no idea how she kept a straight face.  I, on the other hand, was listening from the bedroom and laughing so hard tears were streaming down my face.

Example #2:
Me:  I'll be right back, Gavin.  I'm going to go to the bathroom.
Gavin:  But I want to come with you.
Me:  No.  I've told you before that Mommy goes potty by herself.
Gavin:  But I just want you (grabbing my neck and hanging on for dear life).
Me:  I'll be right back; I'm just going to go potty really quick.
Gavin:  But I'll miss you, Momma.  Please don't go.

You're going to miss me in the minute and thirty seconds I'm in the bathroom?  Nice try, kid.

Example #3:  We're in the car, and Gavin is tired and whiny.
Gavin: (in all seriousness) Momma, Daddy punched me in the face.
Me:  He did?  (Note, there is no hint of concern in my voice.  I've seen Gavin's face - there is not a bruise or blemish on his perfect complexion.  Plus, we've played this game before . . . I know the truth.  Just wait for it.)
Gavin:  Yes, he did.
Me:  Huh.  Now, why did Daddy punch you in the face?
Gavin:  I don't know; he just did.  He punched me two times.
(Meanwhile, his dad is trying not to laugh.)
Me:  Oh, he punched you two times did he?  Were you wrestling?
Gavin: (in a small voice) Yeah.
Me:  Were you guys messing around?
Gavin:  (still a small voice) Yeah.
Me:  Was Daddy just playing?
Gavin:  Yeah.
Me:  Did it hurt?
Gavin:  No.
Me:  You guys were just having fun, huh?
Gavin:  (with giddy excitement in his voice).  Yeah.  It was funny.  We wrestled, and Daddy punched me in the face but not hard.
Me:  I figured.  (rolling my eyes)

You see, Gavin and his dad wrestle.  All.  The.  Time.  It's like WWF or whatever it's called now.  But, rarely doesn't anyone get hurt, and if someone does get hurt, it's usually not Gavin.  Every time they wrestle, I get a play-by-play from Gavin that usually starts with something like:  "My Daddy beat me up."  Or, "I beat up Daddy really good."  

Now, honestly.  Can you imagine if he goes to preschool and starts telling his "versions" of what happened?  I can only imagine.  "Mommy won't let me go in the bathroom and sometimes I can't find her anywhere.  And my Daddy punches me in the face."  Drama.  Drama.  Drama.

7 comments:

  1. Oh man. Don't miss those days AT ALL!

    Wait. You will not BELIEVE what letters popped up (the spam prevention thing)when I hit "Post comment." BRAT!!!! I'm not kidding!

    Ok, not to say your son is a brat, but....kinda goes with the post!

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  2. Oh my. It's a toddler thing. We are going through the same things. Hang in there. I'm sure there's little a kindergarten teacher hasn't heard. They must have pretty good senses of character. I'm certain they wouldn't believe Gavin's claims. Mostly certain. Like 89%.

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  3. This sounds like something my 4 year old would do and say. I can't imagine what he must tell his teachers at preschool. I hope I never have to know.... Every time he opens his mouth and says to someone " I have to tell you something" I get soooo nervous!

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  4. So glad I am not the only mom who actually has to practically beg for potty time alone. LOVE these scenarios...you make me feel normal again LOL
    Found you thru Vbok. love the site and hope you will check ours out at http://twinswithtots.blogspot.com/
    Be well
    Cathy

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  5. It's never dull with kids. They always say something that is embarrassing and funny all at the same time. One of the worse that I still laugh (or cry) about was when my youngest was participating in the 1st grade project called "What changes would you like to see in the world?" (A little over-zealous for 1st grade, I admit, but this teacher was like that) Anyway, every kid made a comment and then a little book was bound and given to each parent as a Christmas gift. Most of the kids said things like "I want to stop hunger...save a tree...a dolphin" but my little darling was quoted as saying "No more drunk people." I was horrified, and then I realized we had been downtown and a inebriated guy stumbled into her as we were walking and it scared her to death. From that day forward the other parents treated me like I was a woman who could barely get out of her pajamas each morning...with a coffee mug full of wine!

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  6. I spend a lot of time wondering if I whine or am dramatic... how in the world do they learn it?!?

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  7. Hilarious. My three year old has been putting her arms around my neck, cradling my face and saying: "I don't want you to go to work anymore. I miss you." (insert tight hug) "I don't want grandma to come over anymore. She yells at me." (insert another tight hug) To which I respond "but I yell at you too sweetheart, you just have to behave and no one will yell at you." Her response a surprised "home alone" movie type look, like she has never heard anything so profound in her life!

    Have a great one! Stopping by from VB.

    Kristie

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