Yesterday was a long twelve-hour work day, BUT I was rewarded with 15 jam-packed-with-action minutes later on in the evening. You see, after work, I had to go to the store to buy some, um, er, lady products. Rather than waiting in line at Meijer, since I really only needed one thing, I decided to just head into Rite Aid. Now, I've done this before, and every time, the same elderly gentleman rings up my stuff. And my "stuff" is always tampons. And every time he rings me up, he calls me a variety of pet names. Sweetie. Honey. Dear. Young lady. Sweetheart. And, I just think to myself, "Dude. I'm buying tampons. Don't call me 'Sweetie' when I'm buying tampons."
So, this time, I was in a hurry to get out of there. I think he had called me every pet name in the book. I was uncomfortable, and I wanted ice cream. After Grandpa Sweet-talker had bagged up my goods, he went to hand me my bag and my receipt. Well, I grabbed on handle of the plastic bag, but the other handle stuck to his hand. I pulled harder while trying to walk away at the same time. The bag ripped. Tampons shot through the air like fireworks on the 4th of July. Not awkward at all.
Well, after that debacle, I decided I deserved ice cream. So, I decided to head to the McDonald's Drive-Thru and get a soft-serve cone. Now, normally, I don't have good drive-thru experiences. They usually going something like this:
"Hey, remember when I said NO mayo? I didn't mean 16 ounces of mayo."
"Oh, hey, um, my food. . . yeah, it's cold. Think you could give me some that's hot or at least warm?"
"I vaguely remember ordering a cheeseburger and fries. Pretty sure this is a fish sandwich."
Well, this drive-thru experience was awesome. Not because I had fantastic service, but because it was so entertaining. When I pulled up, there was a mini van at the drive-thru speaker. I could see the driver - clearly a grandma - and I could hear the kids. I don't know how many of them there were, but Grandma was obviously out-numbered. Since I had my window down, I overheard most of her ordering...
Grandma: Okay, I'll have a . . . . a . . . happy meal. With chicken nuggets. For a boy.
Cashier: And what do you want to drink with that?
Kids: (In the background) I wanna Happy Meal! AAAAHHHH! I wanna Happy Meal. SCREAM.
Grandma: Um . . . how about . . . um . . . a Cherry Coke.
Cashier: We don't have Cherry Coke.
Kid: NNNOOOOOOOO!!!!! OH NO!! I WANNA CHERRY COOOOOOOOOOKE!
Grandma: Yeah, I'm gonna need another . . . um . . . another . . . um . . . one of those . . .
Cashier (clearly annoyed): Happy Meal?
Grandma: Yeah, another Happy Meal. For a boy. With chicken nuggets.
Cashier: What to drink with that?
Grandma: (15 second pause while she tries to stop the screaming) Um, a Cherry Coke with that.
Cashier: We don't have Cherry Coke.
Grandma: (30 second pause while she tries to get the kids to stop yelling and tell her what they want to drink). Um, just coke with that.
Kids: RESUME SCREAMING.
Cashier: Is that all?
Grandma: Um, no. I'm gonna need sauce for the nuggets. Barbeque and spicy mustard.
Cashier: Is that all? (At this point, you can tell he's thinking, "Hurry the hell up lady.")
KIDS: INCREASE VOLUME OF SCREAMING.
Grandma: No. I want a . . . um . . . let's see . . . a smoothie. Yeah. One of these mango smoothies.
Cashier: Okay. A mango smoothie. Is that all?
Grandma: Um, and an order of onion rings.
Kids: I WANNA TOY. I'M HUNGRY. I DON'T WANT NUGGETS. SCREAM. SCREAM.
Cashier: We don't have onion rings.
Grandma: You don't?
Kids: I'M STARVING. I WANT MY TOY. SCREAM.
Grandma: Oh. Huh. Well, nevermind then. Just the smoothie.
Cashier: Pull forward. I'll have your total at the window.
Now, I normally would've been annoyed for having to wait so long for someone to order. But this? This was entertaining. In fact, I was laughing so hard, I didn't even car that it took this lady 10 minutes to place an order. The best part? When I got to the second window to pick up my food, the girl handing out orders looked so stressed. Almost like she was about to have a nervous breakdown. And the grandma? She had to pull up to wait for the rest of her food. (Which she clearly didn't get, because she left, and then immediately came back).
Thank you, McDonald's patrons for an entertaining experience!
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Get thee to an independent bookstore.
12 hours ago