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Sunday, August 28, 2011

What the $&!@ was that?????

I've lived in my house for six years now, and I really love it.  A lot of blood, sweat, and tears were put into taking this house from the 1980s, with its peach paint, red and gold flooring, and blue carpet, and making it an updated, comfortable home.  The house didn't need major renovation, just a good amount of updating.  A smart choice for first time home buyers.  The house has a great yard, an ample basement, and a family-friendly layout.  Sounds like I'm trying to sell it, but I'm not.  Unless you want to buy it?  Huh?  You wanna? 

The one thing that wasn't really taken into consideration: location.  It's about 20 minutes round-trip to go the grocery store, and a good 15 to 20 minute hike to the expressway.  May not sound horrible, but I grew up in the burbs people.  I want an expressway two streets over.  And a Walgreen's on every corner.  Now, I've gotten used to not being in "town," but I still haven't gotten used to the neighborhood.  You see, it's well . . . entertaining.

For instance, once a year, our village (yep, it can't even be considered a town) has a Hogs & Harleys "festival."  (I.E. pig roast and beer tent.  Lots of bikers.  You can get a tattoo out of a bus.  And the people.  Oh, the people.)  Well, this year, we had our first parade.  I had no idea that there was going to be a parade until I heard fire sirens and looked out the front window.

Sorry about the quality.  I didn't want to miss the action!
I saw three fire trucks in a row.  I thought, "Oh, a parade!"  It made sense because the pig roast goes to benefit the local fire department.  But, after the three fire trucks, shit got crazy.  What came after the fire trucks?  1.  An old lady driving a four-wheeler.  (Couldn't get a pic in time.  Sorry.)  2.  Tractors.... quite a few of them actually.  3.  Two fat kids throwing candy.  4.  An old car.  5.  A 1993 Impala.

Best.  Parade.  Ever.

Oh look.  Tractors.

Now, normally, I would have been shocked by this.  I would've said (probably aloud), "What the $#!@ is this?  What the hell is that?"  But, you see, I'm accustomed to things like this now.  In fact, this is probably one of the least interesting things I've seen out my front window.

You see, a makeshift hillbilly parade is not nearly as interesting as:

1.  A man riding a four-wheeler (driving at a fast speed) carrying a baby in one hand and a puppy in the other.  I shit you not.

Take one baby, and one four-wheeler . . .

Throw in a puppy for good measure . . .
And that all equals AWESOMENESS.
2.  What could be better than that, right?  Well, I think I can top it.  Maybe.  This time, we'll take a girl with a broken leg in a wheelchair, being pulled by a rope attached to a lawn tractor, and . . .  drum roll please . . .  carrying a 30-pack of beer!

Not into four-wheelers?  Just get your lawn tractor!

Fresh out of babies?  Grab some beer!
Broken leg?  Wanna get out of the house?  I have an idea . . . 

I'm not even going to get into the number of people that use golf carts to "stroll" around the neighborhood on a daily basis . . .
Just going for an evening stroll . . .

So, people, the important lesson here is LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION.  Unless you want entertainment . . . then buy my house!


  1. OH EM GEE, I am laughing so hard I might pee myself. This was hysterical. If I didn't know you so well (which I don't at all) I would think you were making it all up. Are you sure you didn't dream it? Oh man. Must send others to view this. Thanks for the Sunday morning laugh!!!

  2. I love your neighborhood. Love. Your. Neighborhood.

  3. I'd love to hang out in your neighborhood for a day!

  4. hahahaha! Where do you live??? Good ol' USA!

  5. I wanna live in your neighborhood. Just think of the blog fodder potential!

    visiting from lovelinks

  6. That's freaktastic. I see nothing that out of the ordinary out of my front window. Just happy little families riding their happy little bikes. Oh, and the grow op across the street (I swear I saw them carrying 'supplies' in and multiple rubbermaids of 'product' out).

    P.S. Following from the Voiceboks GFC blog hop.

  7. Tears! There are tears rolling down my face! This was so freaking funny. I was literally loling and the husband was all, "What so funny!" Thanks for the laugh. I seriously needed it.

  8. Haha...your neighbourhood sure sounds interesting! :)

  9. LOL!!! I forget, whereabouts do you live? Sounds like Southern Illinois (Going from the northern part of the state to the southern, it feels like a completely different world! lol...)

  10. Laughing too hard for a witty comment Sofa King funny.

    visiting from lovelinks

  11. 30 pack of beer is impressive. A 6 pack would be just basic hillbilly stuff but a 30 pack says, "I'm a party on wheels!"

  12. Wow. This is the first thing I've read today that literally had me laugh out loud. Too bad you didn't get pictures of the actual events! If I saw stuff like that going on in my neighborhood, I'm pretty sure I'd be tempted to at least sneak a camera phone shot it!
    Sarah @ made in usa challenge