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Wednesday, August 10, 2011

No More Movies, Kid

So, I have a problem with children's movies: they teach kids naughty, naughty things.  Correction: they teach my kid naughty, naughty things.  Now, I don't want to be a fun-nazi, but pretty soon I'm going to have to ban Gavin from watching any children's movie or television show if his behavior continues. 

It should come as no surprise to you that Gavin loves Toy Story.  He asks to watch either Toy Story or Toy Story 2 at least 4.5 billion times a day.  (Don't even get me started on Toy Story 3 and the creepy monkey, the evil CareBear, and the 30-minute death scene. So not a kid's movie.  I'm still having nightmares about it.)  He's pretty much obsessed with Toy Story, and my house looks like Toy Story vomited everywhere... but that's besides the point.

Initially, I thought it was "cute" when he started acting out the scenes from the movie with his little Buzz and Woody action figures - saying things like "To infinity and beyond" and "There's a snake in my boot" . . . but it quickly went downhill.  It started out with small things:  One day, I heard him call the dog "stupid" because someone in the movie calls their dog "stupid."  I quickly addressed this by telling Gavin that we don't say "stupid," and if he does say it, he will go in time-out.  (Ironically, it turns out that I say "stupid" about 100 times a day.  How do I know this?  Because every time I say it, Gavin's right there saying, "Momma, don't say stupid.  Don't you say that ever again."  Sorry, Gavin.  Damn it!  Interestingly enough, I don't get in trouble for swearing.)

Recently, we've had a problem with Sharpies.  No matter where I hide them, Gavin finds them.  What does he do with them?  He writes all over Buzz's and Woody's faces.  Why?  Because in the movie, Andy writes his name on Buzz's foot, and there is an "out-takes" scene in the movie where Woody draws a mustache on Buzz's helmet.  So, consequently, all of the Buzz's in our house now have mustaches (and much, much more).  I tried to explain to Gavin that we don't write on our toys (which makes it sound like I have toys.  But I don't.  Don't even go there.).  His response: "But in the movie, Andy writes on Buzz."  Oh, okay. I'll just let you continue to ruin your toys then.

Buzzes + mustaches.

Now, you're probably thinking, "Oh, that's not so bad.  A little marker on his toys.  No big deal."  Well, that's not the end of our little tale.  About two weeks about, my basement flooded - like two inches of water, total disaster flooded.  I had been downstairs with the shop-vac for over three hours, since 5:30 a.m., when suddenly I heard screaming from upstairs.  (I made Gavin stay upstairs and watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse while I cleaned up the basement.)  I raced upstairs, and there is Gavin, sitting on the kitchen table, holding his finger, a pair of scissors at his side.

Gavin:  Mommy, I hurt myself.

Me:  What did you do?

Gavin:  I cut my finger with the scissors.  I have an owie.  I didn't like that.  

Me:  You know you're not supposed to touch the scissors.

Gavin:  But it hurts, Mommy.

Me:  What were you doing?

Gavin:  I cut Woody's arm off.

Why, you might ask?  Because in the movie, they cut Woody's arm off.

Poor Woody.

Now, it's not like this was the first time he had attempted this.  In fact, he had tried a few times.  But, no matter where I hide the scissors, he seems to find them.  If I hide them on top of the fridge, he gets a chair, crawls up on the counter, and gets them off the top of the fridge.  He's naughty and resourceful.  However, this time, he was actually able to cut Woody's arm most of the way off.  Sigh


  1. This post cracked me up because my son pulled the arm off his plastic Woody and asked me to sew it back on. Thankfully we've bypassed the Sharpie writing. Ahhhh boys...

  2. HAHA- love the post
    I am your newest follower- I hope you stop by and say hi.

  3. Well-- at least he did a good job :) Woody looks just like in the movie! Dropping by from vb Hopper Mania to become your newest follower. I'd a love a follow back when you get the time to swing by my blog :)

    Hope to see you soon!

    {sweet Treats Thursday} Thu-Sun

  4. Oh my word. I think our kids are related. My kids have a serious Sharpie fettish. They Sharpie walls, couches, etc. Some days I wonder if it's just for the joy of torturing me. :) Seriously cute story...and I do love Toy Story so I understand his obsession! :)

    (Visiting from VB)

  5. Oh my goodness... I can SO RELATE!!! Our big no-no phrase is "What the HECK!!" For a while, our four-year-old was shouting it every other minute... as in, "What the HECK is for dinner?" and "What the HECK are you wearing?" Then it was "Where the HECK are we going?" and "Why the HECK did you wake me up early today?" We had to do a "heck" intervention.

    He is now very diligent about not saying that phrase... but try not saying it yourself... it's HARDER THAN YOU THINK!!! LOL Especially when every friend and relative says it too, AND it's in every children's movie out there.

    So our son now politely corrects everyone else who utters "What the heck?" No matter where we are. In the grocery store, at a family dinner, ANYWHERE. And then he promptly shouts, "Look at me! I'm shaking my BOOTY!!!" as he waves his little rump back and forth. *sigh*

    The worst is that we've recently gotten Netflix, and did you know there's about 50 different varieties of Power Rangers series on there? And NO PARENTAL CONTROLS? Yeah, um, that's opened up a whole other can of worms.

    You know, I think your post has inspired a blog entry of my own... and I think I've already written half of it here, in your comment box! LOL!

    Anyway, I'm dropping by from voiceBoks to say hello and tell you again that you ROCK! Have a great rest of the week, girl!

    Smiles, Jenn @Misadventures in Motherhood

  6. I don't think my boys were ever that literal, but they do pick up a lot from what they watch. We don't get TV, so they are limited only to what is on Netflix. Mainly they watch Phineas & Ferb. Now, they are pretty nice to each other, but it does have some of the underlying messages a lot of shows have: parents are clueless, especially Dad; kids can get away with a lot. I do like the imagination, honesty, and kindness of Phineas and his brother, but it's hard to separate that out.

    I found you through the vB Hopper Mania. Nice to meet another fellow teacher-blogger!

    Full Cart Full Wallet

  7. THEY CUT OFF WOODY'S ARM IN THE MOVIE?!! (no, I've never seen it) What kind of children's movie is this! I think the makers of children's movies are slightly disturbed. Have you noticed how a parent dies in every disney movie?

  8. Movies can help for development of kids imagination but sometimes they would be dangerous as well.We usually prefer to watch Disney Classics.I really don't like some of the new movies full of violence.

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  9. Oh my gosh. We are in Toy Story hell too. You forgot to mention that FREAK SHOW baby doll "Big Baby" from #3... definitely the stuff of nightmares. Found you on vB. Adding you to my blog roll b/c a truly funny mommy is brilliant & b/c if I don't add you to my blog roll I'll forget your blog url & I definitely want to come back! Thanks for the laughs!