Why I'll Never Be an "Extreme" Couponer

Every time I log on to Facebook or check out blogs on Google Reader, I see no less than five posts about how much people saved shopping with coupons.  "Look at all this stuff I got for only $52.17!  I saved $87.91!"  Wow, that's a lot of stuff.   Upon further inspection, I notice that a lot of stuff is the same.  Huh.  You bought 16 boxes of Honey Nut Cheerios?  Yes!  They were on sale for $2.99 and I had a $2.00 off coupon, so they were only $0.99 each.  Awesome.  But, where are you going to put them all?  And, I hope you like Honey Nut Cheerios, I mean really like them, because you're going to be eating that shit for months.

Or, "I got 16 packages of razors, 12 razors in each package, for FREE.  They were on sale at Rite Aid for $1.99, and I had a coupon for $1.99!"  Wow, that's 16 times 12 . . . 192 razors.  Your legs must be freakishly hairy.  Or maybe it's your armpits.  Either way, I'm concerned.  

Image c/o insidesocial.com

I also like the ones that go something like this:  "Okay, so I spent three hours cutting coupons, scouring the sale ads, and making my lists.  But, after 25 coupons and four stores, I saved $48."  Okay, so just to clarify... you spent three hours cutting coupons and looking at sales ads.  Then, you had to make lists of what to get at each store.  After all that, you still had to go to four separate stores?  How much did that cost you in gas?   And how long did that take you?  Is eight hours of your time worth $48?  And how many rolls of paper towel did you come home with?  Do you run a daycare because that's a lot of animal crackers?

My favorite ones though are where people complain about other extreme couponers.  "I went to the store twice, and that crazy bitch bought out all the deodorant both times.  Both times!  So, I made sure to go back the next day, right when they opened, and I bought all thirty packages of deodorant so she couldn't buy anymore."  Um... wow.  Yeah, that lady is pretty crazy for going to the store to buy a whole bunch of deodorant.  You?  Totally sane.  Oh, and justified in your actions.  Really, seriously.  Also, did you know they make prescription deodorant for really sweaty people?  Just checking because maybe you want to look into that?

Look, I'm not bashing people who do this (just laughing with them or something like that), I'm just saying that it's not for me.  I mean, I get hives just looking at clearance racks.  Oh, look a clearance rack.  Uh, nothing's in any sort of order.  Is there some kind of system . . . why are all these different sizes mixed together . . .  Oh, I like this top, but it's not my size.  I'll just sift through rack one of twenty . . . oh goodness, is that a rash on my arm?  They're all messy and crowded.  I don't feel like sorting through forty racks of clothing to find something I like in my size.   There's no order, no system - it's just pure chaos, and it makes me nauseous.  I'm happy just buying something on sale, from the sale rack, which is neat and orderly and all the sizes are clearly labeled and they go in increasing order.

Image c/o fotosearch.com

The idea of having to fight people, or get up at the crack of dawn, to get an item on sale also makes me queasy.  Oh, I clip coupons.  And then I forget them at home.  Or, they expire before I remember I have them.  Or, I accidentally spit my gum out in them.  I guess it just takes a certain kind of person to be an extreme couponer, and I just don't have it!