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Saturday, August 20, 2011

Why I'll Never Be an "Extreme" Couponer

Every time I log on to Facebook or check out blogs on Google Reader, I see no less than five posts about how much people saved shopping with coupons.  "Look at all this stuff I got for only $52.17!  I saved $87.91!"  Wow, that's a lot of stuff.   Upon further inspection, I notice that a lot of stuff is the same.  Huh.  You bought 16 boxes of Honey Nut Cheerios?  Yes!  They were on sale for $2.99 and I had a $2.00 off coupon, so they were only $0.99 each.  Awesome.  But, where are you going to put them all?  And, I hope you like Honey Nut Cheerios, I mean really like them, because you're going to be eating that shit for months.

Or, "I got 16 packages of razors, 12 razors in each package, for FREE.  They were on sale at Rite Aid for $1.99, and I had a coupon for $1.99!"  Wow, that's 16 times 12 . . . 192 razors.  Your legs must be freakishly hairy.  Or maybe it's your armpits.  Either way, I'm concerned.  

Image c/o insidesocial.com

I also like the ones that go something like this:  "Okay, so I spent three hours cutting coupons, scouring the sale ads, and making my lists.  But, after 25 coupons and four stores, I saved $48."  Okay, so just to clarify... you spent three hours cutting coupons and looking at sales ads.  Then, you had to make lists of what to get at each store.  After all that, you still had to go to four separate stores?  How much did that cost you in gas?   And how long did that take you?  Is eight hours of your time worth $48?  And how many rolls of paper towel did you come home with?  Do you run a daycare because that's a lot of animal crackers?

My favorite ones though are where people complain about other extreme couponers.  "I went to the store twice, and that crazy bitch bought out all the deodorant both times.  Both times!  So, I made sure to go back the next day, right when they opened, and I bought all thirty packages of deodorant so she couldn't buy anymore."  Um... wow.  Yeah, that lady is pretty crazy for going to the store to buy a whole bunch of deodorant.  You?  Totally sane.  Oh, and justified in your actions.  Really, seriously.  Also, did you know they make prescription deodorant for really sweaty people?  Just checking because maybe you want to look into that?

Look, I'm not bashing people who do this (just laughing with them or something like that), I'm just saying that it's not for me.  I mean, I get hives just looking at clearance racks.  Oh, look a clearance rack.  Uh, nothing's in any sort of order.  Is there some kind of system . . . why are all these different sizes mixed together . . .  Oh, I like this top, but it's not my size.  I'll just sift through rack one of twenty . . . oh goodness, is that a rash on my arm?  They're all messy and crowded.  I don't feel like sorting through forty racks of clothing to find something I like in my size.   There's no order, no system - it's just pure chaos, and it makes me nauseous.  I'm happy just buying something on sale, from the sale rack, which is neat and orderly and all the sizes are clearly labeled and they go in increasing order.

Image c/o fotosearch.com

The idea of having to fight people, or get up at the crack of dawn, to get an item on sale also makes me queasy.  Oh, I clip coupons.  And then I forget them at home.  Or, they expire before I remember I have them.  Or, I accidentally spit my gum out in them.  I guess it just takes a certain kind of person to be an extreme couponer, and I just don't have it!

7 comments:

  1. This is funny and you're totally right, although admittedly sometimes I get jealous when I see people posting that they came home with armfuls of stuff for $6.82 or whatever. I don't have the patience (or knowledge or interest) for this sort of thing, but man, I spend SO much money at the grocery store (on reasonable amounts of things that I specifically want, ha).

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  2. Hilarious... and spot on. I nearly slapped my husband when he took the time out of his busy day at work to print out some 50 pg manual from one of those extreme couponer/ shopper ladies who had it all spelled out in her nifty little bleeping manual on how to only spend $100 a month at the grocery store (and make my life miserable by making my husband think this was a reasonable & feasible way for me to get the grocery bill down). To said extreme couponer: F you. I told my husband that when he was ready to go buy a deep freeze & an add on to the house to store all this crap, AND do the shopping himself, than we too could only spend $100/ mo on groceries. Until then, he could take his little manual & shove it. I haven't heard one complaint about the grocery bill since.

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  3. I'm not big on coupons but I do have a bulk store membership. I learned fast. My kids may beg for that cereal every week but if I buy three boxes they will suddenly hate it halfway through the first box. I stick to things like TP and laundry detergent there. Stuff I Will run out of just when I need it most.

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  4. Thank you! I agree...most of the stuff I buy doesn't have a coupon anyway. I am a very careful shopper, but too much is too much.
    http://mamawolfe-living.blogspot.com

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  5. I have to agree - these people must have HUGE pantries or something!

    Following from VB's GFC event!

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  6. Hillary LeathermanAugust 21, 2011 at 8:17 PM

    I'm a couponer and I have to say, even if you hate coupons you should at least try price matching stuff at Walmart. It's pretty amazing how much you save. On the average I can save roughly $20.00 with coupons, but I can save about $40.00 with just price matching. You don't have to show ads to them or anything. You find a price in a current weekly ad and Walmart will match it. You just tell them how much it costs and they type it in! It's crazy!! AND what's really cool is that they'll match store brand to store brand. So, that weird Save-a-Lot store brand can of peaches for $0.35 can be matched with Great Value peaches. Just something to think about. :)

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